How many times have you said yes when you actually felt no? How many times have you accepted something inside you that you didn't agree with? As an adult you can choose not to say the things you don't want, but as a child this can be very difficult and may seem like a privilege that needs to be offered by your parents or the people with authority in your life.
The word "no" can be viewed very negatively as an expression of negativity in a sentence, and from some perspectives is even understood as non-existent, but there is always a mystery in the things we consider negative or which we reject, and a great gift when we understand their usefulness.
To give an example, I will tell you a moment in my life as a child, as a baby, as an infant. I am very sensitive to taste, to smell, my senses are quite clear about what my body needs and what I like, but my parents could not know these things about me. They tried to feed me but couldn't find anything I liked and my behavior seemed incomprehensible. This situation triggered many fears in those who raised me, and worries that I will not be able to survive.
The developed senses allow me to smell many of the ingredients used and their quantities depending on what I need at the time, as well as any small alteration or inconsistency in the quality of the food. As a baby, I could not explain these to anyone, because first of all I could not communicate in the language of those who raised me, nor I had the logical notions necessary for the explanation.
All this conjuncture created a traumatic situation, in which the baby was forcefully fed. Now, try to put aside a search for guilt, that's not what it's about, from my point of view what we understand as guilt is a state of protection out of fear.
Being forced to accept what I didn't like and didn't align with my needs, I gradually lost the ability to say no, to understand what was good for me and what wasn't good for me, and I acquired a state of deep insecurity.
I was unsure of what I needed and what I liked, and that extended to other actions I took. I was unsure of the right choice in what concerned food and care for my own body. I accepted everything by the simple fact that the detection system I had was no longer listened to in any way, it was ignored during everything that happened to me as a child.
Basically through that trauma, my body received the belief that what it feels is not right, it is not helpful and that only others can help, guide or feed me and that they always know better than me what I need. I grew as a sad child who ate anything and accepted everything, being deeply insecure about everything my body said.
The shape of your authentic self
This ability to say No is very important in everyone's life because it guides us to the situations, people or experiences we need and directs us to discover our unique gifts. Uniqueness presupposes finding our form, our unique form, that form that no one can have because it is only ours. To find our form we need limits, the rules of our own existence.
A form is unique in its limits, in its differences from other forms, in its modes of experience. Wanting to have other limits, we try to have a different shape, we pretend to be a star than an irregular 3D-shape with 321 corners.
We already have these limits, they are sewn into our fabric and waiting to be found and lived, experienced. These limits are our NO barrier. This natural barrier helps us define our uniqueness and then connect deeply to everything that exists.
In the society in which I was born, children were taught to imitate, instead of expressing themselves. This trend still exists. This push to imitation, which is amplified in the school system, will rarely reveal the child's talents and native gifts. We were born original and we are here to express this originality in all ways and to experience ourselves through it, not to copy beliefs, theorems, poems and ideas and then reproduce them.
The gift of saying no helps you to be the original one, to express your uniqueness. It is also a major aspect of having free will and learning how to use it.
When we say yes, even though we feel no, there is an internal rupture, a rupture between mind and heart, a split of our being with the creation of a false personality. This false personality is gaining more and more control so that at some point you no longer know who you are, what you like, what your ideas, feelings and desires are. In this illusory personality you struggle and get lost, feeling empty inside and insecure.
If you feel guilty when you say no, think about what's going on inside you. When you let go of certain ideas, actions, desires that you do not want, inside you, it is like a violation of your own space, a violation of your own person, and that leaves a wound, a trace that crystallizes and presses you, as a result you contract and it makes you harder inside.
Each of us has a unique form, with all its limitations, and when we say no, it is a proof of love for us and recognition for our form. When we say yes without agreeing, we break our form, we break our unique contour to include something that has no place there.
There is a difference between saying no to staying in line with yourself and saying no to defending yourself or protect yourself from fear. These nuances and subtleties can be discovered through self-exploration and contemplation.
When we allow an energy, which has no place in us, to enter and stay there, it will want to leave, and will create tension and internal struggle. At this moment we say that we no longer recognize ourselves and we have an internal struggle with all those parties that want to leave us, to be released. We begin to judge and torture them.
By experiencing your uniqueness, you allow others to do the same. When you have another false form, you will fit into your life and you will attract situations and people that fit that false form. Think of a 5-cornered star, and a 321-cornered 3D-shape as part of a big puzzle — what exactly will fit next to one and what shape will fit next to the other?
There is no need to try to experience what others are, what others believe… you will not succeed anyway because each eye of creation is unique, just like you. You can empathize, you can access the experience of others, and you can even look through their eyes, but their shape is unique, however you experience it, it does not change that. Creation does not need you to copy or be what you do not want to be, because you are already experiencing those beliefs or situations through other people. You can do similar things, but they will always have your unique imprint.
Sometimes we get the impression that we need to do something very different to be unique, but when you get to know each other better you will see that differences and contours do not need to be eccentric to differentiate yourself and be unique. By understanding this you can put aside the idea of being different, and the idea of copying, and then you will reach your essence.
I invite you to stop judging the shape of others, saying that it is not aligned with you because in fact what you want is for someone to allow you to be your unique shape. Give up waiting for any permission to be yourself.
For those who need it, I tell you the following: “I allow you to be yourself. I allow you to say no and define your own limits and rules of experience. Only you know exactly what you look like. ”
The Queen of Wand's message
The Queen of Wands, the Tarot archetype in the picture, is an embodiment of uniqueness, of the experience of being what you are without reservations, without compromises and without the fear of disturbing or upsetting others with the corners of your form. It invites you to find that inner energy to express yourself, to find the courage and determination, enthusiasm and beauty that are native to you.
The Queen calls you to take your unique scepter, not to want hers, and to create your life as you see it, in alignment with the soul, spirit and center of your being.
In this uniqueness lies your energy of healing, liberation and understanding of who you are. Its power is gentle and warm, enveloping, but at the same time firm and clear.
Each of us has a Queen of Wands inside, waiting to be revealed. It gives you wisdom and from time to time shakes you with love, so that you can free yourself from the shadows on the face of your uniqueness. Either way, you have your place here and now, in eternity.
During this time, the energy of the Queen of Wands tells us to lift our heads from the snow and look at what we have made of ourselves and invites us to choose to say no, to pay attention to our senses. A lot of energy and information comes to us and this amalgam of "everything" can destabilize us internally, if we do not have the discernment to understand what we need and what we do not.
There is a healing power in us and it is expressed through the passion of the soul and our fulfillment as beings. If you still don't know who you are and what your path is, it's time to sit down and look with honesty and love. Give yourself consideration and courage, determination and confidence.