My Life Story
A journey of remembering
I did not know my story until I wrote it...
I have been born with increased awareness about life in general, our inter-connectedness, oneness, and about life/death cycles. A dreamer child, radiating wishes for an ideal world. Embracing the inner worlds I have never felt alone with myself but at home. Seeing the immense potential in everything reminded me of our divine power. Even so, this material world and its collective mind can confuse you greatly, and this happened to me too….
Once upon a time, in a January snowy winter, a little girl with ebony hair and pale skin was born on Planet Earth, in a tiny village in Romania. Very curious in nature and often annoying, the child asked questions about everything she saw, having a burning desire to know the environment in which she lives. The questions were asked to parents, grandparents, godparents and other people close to her, always hoping for an answer. The answers rarely came and often the little soul did not find peace and quiet until she could find out. There was little solace from the answers she got because they felt like lies or just not describing how things are.
At first, the vague and hasty answers greatly disappointed her making the need to know into a necessity. Time passed and the child did not find peace in her parents' words, even if they were well intentioned, and growing up she realized that maybe they did not have the information she was looking for.
Figuring out all of this, she decided to learn to read, and so she discovered the universe of books at an early age. With both parents teachers, the child had access to hundreds of books in all fields, from mathematics to astronomy. She enjoyed tens and hundreds of books with great interest, school teachers telling her not to read anymore because she was not paying attention to classes and had other concerns. Each time she heard them, the little soul closed and internal tears flowed, feeling compelled to give up or diminish to do what was of most interest to her.
She was doing great at school because her open mind was able to easily find correlations between subjects and thus quickly grasp the meanings, but something was still lacking. Questions such as: "Why people cannot understand or accept each other ?", "Why can't they see the connection to their world ?", "Why can't they see they are part of everything?" did not give her peace at all. The child, now adolescent, dreamed an extraordinary dream in her heart, a world where understanding comes first and the connection between people is palpable as any material thing. There were so many things that made her sad, withdrawn and thoughtful, such as the sufferings of people, their way of behaving and living, the inability to see each other.
Whatever she did, she felt great discontent and an internal void that she could not fill with absolutely nothing. The time passed and the child still expected to feel fulfilled, as the people around her said, but the inner void grew with every moment. As a little child she used to look at the starry sky and see the planet Earth as a cell in a body full of other cells, and the stars were the centers of energy or electrical transmissions like nerve cells. She wondered what type of cell Terra is in this huge body and what role does she have? She also saw her whole body as a universe of cells communicating with each other, similar to the outside one, and wondered how best to take care of it.
She felt the suffering of the people and of the planet, all the time. Everything that happens on this planet has a native suffering, and every man reflects a part of it. This was overwhelming for a child, so she found ways to protect herself.
The society and the world she lived in seemed like a corset that was clutching more and more around her tight body and mind. Only the nights, watching the Moon in the starry sky, bathing in her light, offered moments of profound inspiration, peace and quiet.
She finished high school and an engineering college, leaving behind her desires and inner dreams and listening to the collective mind, agreeing with what she thought was available to her at that time. Her will and confidence were no more than a shadow that occasionally frightened and scared her, but the fire in her heart was alive and intense, even if hidden. This fire of wisdom could not be stopped, once she had managed to get out of all the school structures that she had to go through, and once she began to lead her own life, along with her love, a man who could understand her.
At that moment, the fire was released, and the desire for knowledge begun to be active, looking for ways to satisfy it. The will power began to grow and help her clean her lifestyle, simplifying things and being more natural. But things did not get to be easy, but more and more difficult, because she was changing her old beliefs, and receiving resistance from her unconscious structures and the people around her.
She started to study holistic medicine, to understand this material world, our body and its functioning. It was very exciting and she had also started a website to sustain her findings and share them with the world. She studied juicing therapy, raw food, plant medicine and nutrition for several years and followed certification courses. She preferred learning through experience so she practiced and tried them all.
This endeavor was fulfilling but did not touch that soft spot she was looking for. The drive for her search came from deep within, from a place which radiated an immense love towards everything in existence. She returned to the early desire for connection and intimacy in an elevated way and in helping people to see beyond their own limits and mental structures.
THE MOON AND THE SUN - THE CRISIS WITHIN
After a year or so, from the beginning of the initial health blog, she began to write articles about spirituality, because her desire for search and connection came from there. The deeper she walked within, the more she found the void that felt increasingly uncomfortable. It became more and more difficult to divide between her work and her passion, and very demanding to interact with the world and enjoy something. It was as though she was seeing more and more suffering and could not find a way to smile.
Things rapidly precipitated, her inner state of deep void and nothingness became incredibly intense and she found herself lost and broken, like a machine that had been irreparably damaged. Her pieces no longer blended, everything was meaningless and she couldn't do anything to fix this. It was extremely difficult for her to accept it, to accept the place where she had arrived, the darkness, fatigue, lack of orientation, and suffering rose to the sky.
After a plunge into the unknown, with the help of a profoundly revealing shamanic ritual, she saw the creation of the world and was taken to the heights of existence, where one is everything and the divine is clearly seen as the whole existence. She entered this experience desiring to make the connection between heaven and earth, divine and human, as well as the four aspects of our being -> body-mind-soul-spirit. When you realize the unity of everything and you see yourself with no doubt as being the mirror, the reflection and the mirrored, that perception of totality destroys the way of seeing in separation.
One person entered the experience and another came out. The integration of this experience lasted for at least nine years. For just a few days she felt her divine being, after an impossible to explain experience which resembled death. It took only one night for everything to change. Before this, she was still trying to cling to something, but now there was nothing left, that void became her and it swallowed her whole.
The power she felt was hard to accept and believe, and that power had nothing to do with what we humans understand through this word. There was complete silence and at the same time all the sounds of the world could be heard. There was light and yet the darkness radiated it. It was possible to see everything clearly, all the realities, all the time lines, in there she had a 360 degree view. There she was and was not, she was everything and nothing, she was power and vulnerability, she was all in the heart of everything with the understanding of everything.
The ego was blown away by a deep silence and a boundless astonishment, it was mute, gone with the wind. But as soon as you come back into this world, it revives from its ashes like a phoenix, never to be the same again. The body was hard and cold like a stone, and yet she was not afraid of that intense cold but welcomed it, that stillness was ecstatic. The eyes were no longer eyes but were everywhere, and they saw everything as if everything had become transparent.
She did not know who she was or what she was, not that she'd ever known, but now she did not recognize herself in any way, and the suffering was burning hot as hell. Yesterday she was raised up, but now she was down in the pits of darkness, and she did not even know it. Nobody and nothing could ever offer her peace but the perception of her divine being. This fall was like an impact with the earth at the speed of light shattering into thousands of pieces.
None of the pieces could contain her anymore, and no one was able to help her understand what had happened. The integration process began with an attempt to protect herself through denial of experience, lack of faith, lack of value, and then acceptance, learning and integration.
After about 3 years from the day she started her health blog she decided to quit her dayly job. At that time she was working a 9 to 6 job as a software engineer. She decided to quit and dedicate some years only to her and her spiritual research. This was a scary thing from many perspectives, but she could not do anything else, she was finished with this, she needed a pause from the world. She passed through a period of financial struggle but this showed her the support she had from the universe was total. Her beloved husband understood and began to sustain her inner process.
At one moment an opportunity came for the husband to work in another country, France, so they took everything and moved. There, she found the quiet time to work on herself and she discovered how much she liked writing, most of the emotional and personal development exercises she made were in writing. Also, she found her childhood passion for reading expressed in an unforeseen way.
All she did was sit in the house and work alone. The defense programs faded the experience she had. These were beliefs that wanted to repair what broke down, find the internal culprits and then the solutions. Little did she knew at that time that there was nothing wrong and that she would search for the culprits even in dark snake holes and she would not find them.
But the more she worked on herself, the more she uncovered and this brought her a bit of understanding and inner silence. These all came through the connection with her deep suffering and the experience of it. The acceptance of suffering and the connection with it have offered many unexpected gifts.
After years of focused inner work, she realized that a form to pour her gifts into needs to exist. Usually we already have around us something to remind us of that form, so she wondered what she had not explored and stood under her nose. She sat at her desk, looking around the room and her gaze remained focused on the Tarot card package, which she had bought long ago and used occasionally to answer her questions. She then realized that these cards often appeared in her life, as a small child, in various forms, and this type of work attracted her very much, similar to the work she usually did for exploration of her own consciousness and her childhood passion for reading. Thus she began to study the Art of Tarot and occult traditions of the unknown.
As she found peace by observing the starry sky and the moon, so she found peace through this work of self-discovery with the help of Tarot wisdom. The cards have offered a way of communicating with her divine aspects, focusing the messages she received. This was a journey that has brought enormous revelations and many understandings which facilitated integration of her past experience.
She began to better understand what had happened to her, and deep into the dark night of the soul, the Light of the Moon and the Stars began to appear shyly to guide her. Each exploration of a Tarot card was an exploration of her inner worlds and brought to the surface invaluable gifts. She began to feel loved, guided and protected by feeling an indescribable sense of divine purpose, and the dark inner void became the source of light.
It does not mean that her life is now pouring with milk and honey, but that she has learned to better find the treasures of the dark moments. Life is a journey, not a destination.
The study of Tarot brought many treasures to life and talents she did not trust before. Vulnerability and empathy poses a great trial and that is to find the courage to stay open when all you want is to close yourself off or run away. When you think you have passed a level another one opens up with more challenges. Life always brings you more opportunity to grow and change and she continues to learn, explore and advance in her knowledge.
CREDENTIALS / EDUCATION
What the papers say
For me, love is the basis of the education we need. With the guidance of love the gifts, we are born with, can be sustained and refined. Each of us has his unique gifts, and these are the only ones that can fully satisfy us and fill that inner void. These gifts grow watered by understanding and nurtured by freedom and acceptance. But a gift is worked out and refined with the help of effort, dedication and the teachings of people who have explored a similar path before, so the study brought me a good foundation on which to feel at home.
For those who want to know, I will mention some of my certifications, in the field of health and nutrition, obtained after years of study and which involved important financial resources: Detox Specialist, Natural Juice Therapyst, Raw Food Teacher, Nutritionist.
Also, for those who are interested in spirituality, I have attended and participated in many courses, but most of all I dedicate time to personal search and self-development through intuitive exercises and contemplation. Examples of studies or experiences: reiki, participation in regular meditation groups, Personal Development Therapeutic Sessions - Integrating Duality with an Accredited Psychologist Vywamus Transformational school, New Paradigm MDT 13D, quantum energy, shamanic travel, qi-gong, tai chi and others.
Books and courses are starting the points and reminiscences of knowledge, followed by practical exploration in all aspects.
My own work began when I was born, with pauses, the confusion of this world being dense, but always continuing in one way or another, in dreams or consciously, directly or indirectly through experiences. It continues every minute, because it is the occupation that I am most passionate about, that attracts me and makes me very happy. I was born aware of the world we come from, also called the world beyond, and the fact that we are connected in ways that are very difficult to explain. As a child, I remember how I often saw in strands of energy, and I struggled to distinguish and separate so that I could see the contours fading into the moving tapestry of energy.
I was always told that I was too intense, too sensitive, too loving, too innocent and that I knew things before they happened or that I saw uncomfortable parts of people's construction. I was "too much" in these matters, but time has shown me that these things we are considered "too much" are part of our gifts.
Part of me is always surprised at how life shows us and pushes us to express our gifts in any circumstance. For example, where I worked as a programmer, I had become a personal problems counselor, a psychologist, and the person people came to relax, release anxiety or receive advice.
I am what is called a mystic, that is, a person who seeks deep understanding through self-exploration and believes in direct communication with the divine. I consider my self-development work to be invaluable. Education for me means self-exploration and understanding, not just the accumulation of information.
Since 2015 I study intensely Tarot and dream interpretations, being very attracted to the art of symbolic reading and divination. The intensive online course, mentored through direct interaction by Wald Amberstone from The Tarot School, helped me organize and discover each card through my own growth process. This course is not about memorization but about your own exploration, having a simple structure and being full of very intense exercises. Exploring each card lead me into a process of self-development from which I receive invaluable insights.
I graduated this course with distinction, after 5 years of dedicated study, being the 18th graduate from thousands of applicants. I also graduated the Akasha certification course, in the Soul Realignment™ methodology. This opening to Akasha, came naturally, from my work with Tarot, personal experiences and contemplations. Over time I have taken many courses in spirituality, but I continue my self-study in depth, in this direction of expansion of consciousness.
For me, Tarot cards are a natural way to center and ground my visions, feelings and information received from the unknown divine ocean of wisdom. My work with visions arose naturally as I gained more confidence in my abilities.
How Tarot works for me
Discover my perspective on Tarot and learn about the predictive readings.
Read a short description about me, my focus and how I usually work.
Code of Ethics
Find out my code of ethics and what types of readings I do or do not do.